Khutbah from the late Ustaadh Suliman Dunya
FEAR OF ALLAH AND THE GOOD WIFE
Abu Amama told how the Prophet (pbuh) used to say, " After the fear of Allah, the Believer gains nothing better than the good wife, who obeys him if he gives her a command, pleases him if he looks at her, is true to him if he abjures her to do something, and is sincere towards him regarding her person and his property if he is absent. (Ibn Majah)
The Prophet (pbuh) says that nothing in the world is better than fear of Allah because the fear of Allah prevents a Muslim from disobeying Him; it is in fact fear of His punishment. Allah's (awj) punishment is because of committing sins; therefore, when one truly fears Allah, he will not commit sins resulting in the reward of Paradise (Jennat). Hence fear of Allah is considered in the sight of the Prophet (pbuh) the most important thing for the person as it is his way to Paradise to a kind of happiness which man cannot imagine.
Next to the rank of fearing Allah (shwta) comes the good wife as a way to happiness also. There is nothing between them: fear of Allah is first and the good wife is second. It might not be clear to us the importance of the good wife for her husband as a way for him to attain happiness in this world and the hereafter. But we have to understand the fact that the husband will not be able to follow the way of truth, and do good for himself and humanity, as Muslims should, if he lives with a wife who creates problems inside and outside the house every now and then. With such a wife, a man will not get a clear mind, a satisfied heart or save time which are necessary for him to perform his duties properly. Thus, it becomes a necessity for following the right way to happiness in this world and in the hereafter to gain a wife who possesses the following characteristics:
1) Obedience-when the husband orders the wife to do something or not to do something. She should obey him because he is the responsible person among the members of the family for all their needs. Therefore, he has to know about everything and to give permission for all that is to be done. His orders must be respected and obeyed, so long as his order is going in the Islamic way. But this does not mean that he should not consult his wife and mature children every now and then; he has to do that, but after they discuss the subject they have to follow his idea if his idea is different from theirs. In short, when the man obtains a wife who obeys him he obtains part of his happiness.
2) The second characteristic required of the wife is that she should please her husband when he looks at her because she takes care of herself for him and appears in the shape which she know that he likes, and acts in a manner that she know that he likes too. In short, she should deal with her husband as though her husband is the only man in the world. The man who is married to such a wife obtains another part of his happiness.
3) The third characteristic required of the wife is that she should carry out what she knows her husband is keen on. She should consider and share in his feelings when deciding what she should do or avoid and how such acts will affect him and their relationship overall. When a man obtains such a wife, he obtains the third part of his happiness.
4) The fourth characteristic required for the wife is to deal with her husband while he is absent the same as she does when he is present regarding everything, especially what belongs to his honor and his property. When a man obtains such a wife, he obtains the last part of his happiness. The wife who obtains these four characteristics is the wife about which the Prophet (pbuh) said comes next to fear of Allah as a means to make the husband happy in this world and the hereafter. We have to take into consideration the fact that the husband should help his wife to know about these characteristics and to try and obtain them, and to be patient with her because it is not easy for these qualities to be obtained..."
COMMENTARY
This khutbah and the Ahadith on which it is based highlight several important issues connected to marriage specifically the barakah (blessings) of a good wife. The benefits that will bring the husband’s happiness from such a wife and the qualities a believing woman should aspire to inculcate were also given.
The husband supporting his wife mandates her service to him similar to the relationship between an employer and an employee, in the Muslim tradition. However, the unique quality separating this interaction from others is its foundation—compassion. Thus, the husband is her ‘job’ as understood by the four qualities she should seek to develop and obtain. The wife’s respect for her husbands’ authority is reflected in part by her obedience to him and through him Allah (shwta). Such obedience is essential for the smooth functioning of the household as her primary functions are in the home. To some this may sound backward, ‘medieval’, even chauvinistic, but these are the words and perceptions of the misguided and those without faith; whose erroneous beliefs and social habits are often highlighted by dysfunctional families as the norm in many so-called civilized countries. According to the textual evidences (Al-Qur’an and the Ahadith) Islam advocates that even the best place for women to pray is in their homes. See ‘Best rows in prayer”. Not to imply that women are prisoners in their homes as family residences are traditionally constructed to connect members of a family in an area like a compound.
On the other hand, the man’s realm and area of activity is outside the home to provide for his families’ needs as part of his responsibilities by the standard of Islam. It is from this religious and moral principle that the authority of the husband emanates. So that the husband accepting advice or positive input from his wife and mature children may help him avoid making hasty or rash decisions that can adversely affect him or the families’ well-being. But as the Ustadh stated, “...after they discuss the subject they have to follow his idea if his idea is different from theirs…as long as it is going in the Islamic way”. The husband is reminded to have patience with his wife as this is said to be among the qualities of Muslim manliness, whereas intolerance and hastiness are characteristics of the devil.
Accepting and fulfilling her responsibilities to her husband and her Lord are the qualities of the good wife in addition to acting as a consoler that will at times ‘disarm’ her husbands’ harsh, overbearing, even tyrannical behavior; neither challenging or attempting to usurp his authority as her service makes her a partner sharing in all the good that he does, for which she will be rewarded by Allah (shwta) with barakah in this life and hopefully Al-Jennat in the next.
